Can’t break-up because you fear loneliness?
Ours was a beautiful relationship. He was my first serious relationship and we spent some good time together. From thoughtful compliments to amazing dates to beautiful gifts… You name it I had it. We went for picnics, movies, long drives, out of the town vacations and doing all of these things hand in hand.
But then it all started to change….
Initially most of the times things used to be really good but sometimes when he was stressed due to things at home or at work he started to blame me or the relationship. Finally it became much worse… He could see nothing positive in me, even the things about me he used to like- he hated. He used to make me feel like I was stupid- if I re-inquired something only to avoid misunderstanding he would scream at why I was repeating don’t I understand things in one go.
Everyday I would question myself, why am I with this person anymore? The only answer I could get was I wasn’t brave enough to take that step and face the loneliness that it would bring.
“Being stuck” in intimate relationships makes us restless, frustrated and sometimes angry as well. We may feel stuck making very crucial decisions in our lives like whether to stay in a relationship or not? The fact that there is no movement in these aspects of our life can indeed become a worrisome and frustrating factor to all of us.
Things that stop us from breaking up even though we want to:
- We may be afraid of being by ourselves,
- Afraid of hurting our partner, or
- Afraid that we’re not going to find someone else.
- Safer to stay in relationship than to risk not having a chance at being in relationship again.
We can fear being lonely may be because:
- We’ve always lived with someone.
- We’re worried we might not be financially independent.
- We may sometimes be worried about what friends, family, coworkers, and the neighbours will think if we’re alone or not with our partners.
- Sometimes, especially if they are someone we would have to meet or see after the relationship, we may be worried that they might date someone else and that would be hurtful.
- the future we have planned with our partner, it seems would never happen the way we wanted it to and it’s memories would haunt us.
- Or it can be a combination of points mentioned above.
Finally, knowing the root reason, how to overcome the fear and let go:
- Start writing down fears and possible solutions. Write down short-term action goals.
- Stay connected to your sources of strength, positive assets, optimism, energy and power.
- Speak the truth, vent out in front of your support systems like family and friends. It’s a brave one who seeks help, not the weak one.
Understand that, it is natural for you to be scared in such situation, however at the same time it was important for you to do what you need to do to take care of you, your life.
“you come home,
Make some tea,
Sit down in your armchair,
And all around there’s silence.
Everyone decides for themselves
Whether it’s solitude or loneliness”
Thus, my friend, choose wisely.