Category: Relationships

Having Girlfriend/Boyfriend. Is it a must?

In this 21st century, where almost every individual is in romantic relationship, if one person isn’t, he/she is bombarded with questions like, ‘’you’re so beautiful and confident as a person, you must be having a boyfriend/ girlfriend?’’ Well, thanking the compliment, but who makes these rules that a pretty and confident girl/ handsome and smart boy has to have a romantic companion?

Dating in today’s era has become so common, and kind of loosing it’s meaning, it has become like breathing. Why do we feel such intense need to be in a relationship?

  1. Peer pressure
  2. Movies/ love stories
  3. In search of one, where there are many
  4. Not loving oneself enough
  5. Being accepted in friends circle

By falling prey to all such distractions, what are we actually doing is,

  1. Completely ignoring the other sources of love we have in life like, parents, friends etc.
  2. Not being able to live in this moment but constantly worrying about that one person in the future.
  3. You assume that, when a new person will come, he/she will give you utmost happiness and satisfaction. Can you guarantee that? If people near you cant give you happiness now, how will a stranger coming in future can provide you with that?
  4. When you constantly focus on that person in future may or may not come, you tend to give less importance to the people around you who are actually the sources of love. In this process you might lose them.

Love yourself first

  1. Knowing yourself: Be aware about sense of self, morals, value systems, beliefs.
  2. Accepting yourself: Be proud of who you are, and the product you’ve become of different learnings and environment.
  3. Appreciating yourself: Give self-compliments, acknowledge your own strengths and use them for your betterment.
  4. Exploring yourself: Get out of the routine life, try thinking out of the box, give yourself new choices and options. You might get to know new things about self you were unaware of for so many years.

Life doesn’t work on planning and it never seizes to surprise you. Start walking on this adventurous path, let it be solo or with companion, it’ll turn out to be amazing if you keep your head high and love yourself first!

Can’t break-up because you fear loneliness?

Ours was a beautiful relationship. He was my first serious relationship and we spent some good time together. From thoughtful compliments to amazing dates to beautiful gifts… You name it I had it. We went for picnics, movies, long drives, out of the town vacations and doing all of these things hand in hand.

But then it all started to change….

Initially most of the times things used to be really good but sometimes when he was stressed due to things at home or at work he started to blame me or the relationship. Finally it became much worse… He could see nothing positive in me, even the things about me he used to like- he hated. He used to make me feel like I was stupid- if I re-inquired something only to avoid misunderstanding he would scream at why I was repeating don’t I understand things in one go.

Everyday I would question myself, why am I with this person anymore? The only answer I could get was I wasn’t brave enough to take that step and face the loneliness that it would bring.

Being stuck” in intimate relationships makes us restless, frustrated and sometimes angry as well. We may feel stuck making very crucial decisions in our lives like whether to stay in a relationship or not? The fact that there is no movement in these aspects of our life can indeed become a worrisome and frustrating factor to all of us.

Things that stop us from breaking up even though we want to:

  1. We may be afraid of being by ourselves,
  2. Afraid of hurting our partner, or
  3. Afraid that we’re not going to find someone else.
  4. Safer to stay in relationship than to risk not having a chance at being in relationship again.

We can fear being lonely may be because:

  1. We’ve always lived with someone.
  2. We’re worried we might not be financially independent.
  3. We may sometimes be worried about what friends, family, coworkers, and the neighbours will think if we’re alone or not with our partners.
  4. Sometimes, especially if they are someone we would have to meet or see after the relationship, we may be worried that they might date someone else and that would be hurtful.
  5. the future we have planned with our partner, it seems would never happen the way we wanted it to and it’s memories would haunt us.
  6. Or it can be a combination of points mentioned above.

Finally, knowing the root reason, how to overcome the fear and let go:

  1. Start writing down fears and possible solutions. Write down short-term action goals.
  2. Stay connected to your sources of strength, positive assets, optimism, energy and power.
  3. Speak the truth, vent out in front of your support systems like family and friends. It’s a brave one who seeks help, not the weak one.

Understand that, it is natural for you to be scared in such situation, however at the same time it was important for you to do what you need to do to take care of you, your life.

 

“you come home,

Make some tea,

Sit down in your armchair,

And all around there’s silence.

Everyone decides for themselves

Whether it’s solitude or loneliness”

Thus, my friend, choose wisely.

 

 

Fill colours in your romantic world

Romance is an integral part of our existence. What does it take to be in love? Romance is everywhere, it’s in the skies and oceans and also the social media. But have you ever pondered over some of it’s behind-the-scenes? When do we know that our relationship is going out of the hands? It is often said that the love of a person completes them, or makes them whole. I would care to disagree a little there. We are all complete and significant, and love is but a choice that we make, day after day, to be with somebody who, yet again, is complete. It is the coming together of two wholes to willingly form a union.

5 useful Tips to improve your relationship:

  1. Respect your partner before all. Respect their opinions, values and individuality. The biggest mistake is trying to merge into the partners personality and trying to make changes in them.
  2. Being aware of self and accepting individual differences. Loving your partner as they are, with the difference that they bring in, may it be personality differences or cultural differences.
  3. No article on relationships in complete without having a mention of communication: Be honest and share your feelings, Admire their strengths and overlook little things, acknowledge small things they do for you, verbally express the love, do not run away or stay silent after the fights but try talking about it, Make thoughtful gestures, learn to listen, say “I love you” often.
  4. Understanding thresholds: As individuals, we all have our respective thresholds towards our emotions and feelings. While some people may come across as being aggressive, others may appear relatively calm and peaceful. We develop these characteristics over due course of time, and it is not always that we have utmost control over the habits that we end up adopting and following. As two significant wholes who are willingly part of a union, both parties should know when to snap or when to give in.
  5. Another key aspect of a relationship is A person is said to have attained this state of mind when their thoughts, feelings, and actions are in accordance with one another. This means, that what one thinks and feels is what they speak and do. There may be times wherein your partner may commit to something they couldn’t fulfil, or make a promise they failed to keep. It is okay if it happens sometimes, because perfectionism is non-existent among us by virtue of being human. However, if this is, or has become a common occurrence, then it is imperative that something be done about it. Relationships turn sour over time, if either or both parties fail to keep their word.

Now that you’ve got the guidebook, follow these basic steps, add your own ingredients as you wish, and make a perfect dish if your romance!

Something left unresolved? Get a perfect closure in relationships

Before you start reading this article, I want you to see these figures.

When you are looking at them, do you feel not so good about the gaps in the figures? Even though there are distinct gaps in both the figures, we tend to see them as whole: A circle and A Square. This highlights the tendency of humans to fill the imaginary gaps to perceive everything as whole to give it the fruitful meaning.

“This filling in the gap and spaces of unknown to attain a meaning and perspective is called Closure”

Why do we need closure in broken relationships?

  1. Holding on to the past too tightly
  2. Someone might still see the ray of hope to get back together
  3. Unanswered questions from the partner

How to give someone closure:

Breaking up with someone, particularly when you believe your partner will not share the same sentiment, is not easy to do. It is difficult to take responsibility for your true feelings and give honest reasons for the break-up, knowing that you are hurting another person who likely cares very much about you. Not only does giving closure mean you have to take responsibility for your actions in the relationship, and potentially feel guilty for ending a relationship, but it also means you may discover aspects of yourself, as expressed by your former partner, that you may have otherwise chosen to ignore.

How to give yourself closure:

If your partner refuses to give you closure after you have repeatedly asked for it, ask yourself whether the type of person you imagined him or her to be would treat you with such indignity, and whether the future you might have imagined together included this characteristic. Chances are, your answer is ‘no’. Therefore, you can begin to reconcile the fact that perhaps you imagined your partner to be someone he or she is not and forgive yourself for trusting someone who has hurt you.

Closure can happen through:

  1. Acceptance
  2. Acknowledgement
  3. Time to grieve
  4. Build new memories
  5. No blame game/ guilt inducing actions

Giving a satisfying closure with a conversation might not be everyone’s cup of tea. It puts person in vulnerable position and might open the wounds but that’s where the strength lies. Maybe, hearing it from the other person gives us a sense of their acknowledgment and accountability that leads to our acceptance of facts. Last but not the least, closure comes by being empathetic. Accepting their perspective, a perspective which cannot be right can also not be wrong, of the other person.

If you want a closure, it’s certainly time to fill the gaps!

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